Graduation.. A Thing That is Definitely Happening

So I received a call back to be commencement speaker for the English major graduation ceremony. This means I wrote a speech, which was kind of really fun. While I didn't get chosen to deliver it, I figure I'll share my efforts with you fine people.

I'd like to extend a hearty welcome to these esteemed graduates of the Robert H Smith school of business.. Oh wait, it's just the English majors. Hey guys! Sup

Ok, so we're no business school. Few of us have worn suits to class, and fewer of us are fighting to work for Fortune 500 companies next year. Instead, most of us can be found either cuddling up to a book somewhere in Tawes, or staring off into space contemplating that very book, also somewhere in Tawes, as we overhear a debate about the new Star Wars cast.

Frankly, we're a little different. But in my opinion, in continuously trying to justify why the English major rocks, we forget that we don't have to explain this to anybody. We chose this major because of a love of literature, an incredible faculty, and a need we all had to analyze the world around us in a formal setting. It may seem like it's about books, but through these characters and settings we learn history, science, sociology, psychology, religion.

 The other day I called my mother to talk about the film version of the Great Gatsby with Leo Dicaprio. She was deeply impressed by my level of analysis and told me so. I said, mom, if there's one thing I can walk away from college doing, it's analyzing the crap out of the Great Gatsby. So hello fellow professional Gatsby analysts.

One thing that has created a dichotomy in my life especially has been our time in the classroom and our time outside. The longer I stayed in this major, and the more I learned from my fiercely intelligent professors, the harder it was to reconcile my lessons and put them away in practical application.

For example, Professor Auchard has an obsession with the American use of the word fun. He spent many class periods explaining his fascination, pointing to both cultural usages such as the "fun sized" candy bars that aren't fun at all.. because really, what's fun about getting less chocolate.. and literature's portrayal of fun.

Once this lesson, this awareness was  implanted in my poor sophomore mind, it stuck. How was I to enter some frat party and not laugh when the young "bouncer" told me to have fun. Fun is entirely all encompassing of a very subjective emotion! I want to yell. But it's not the time, nerd. It's rarely ever the time outside of the beautiful walls of Tawes.

Professor Olmert aptly told us the other day that learning changes you. The more you know, the more you want to talk books and movies, thoughts and ideas, he explained, as your other friends want to binge on bottomless mimosas at brunch and ask what you thought of The Real Housewives last week. And That's ok too.. Kind of.. But the point is, whether you sat in the back of the class hoping to coast or sat front and center for all of these discussions, in this major, you walked away with at least one lesson per class that has changed you and maybe even what you want to talk about forever. And bottomless mimosas, as delicious and plentiful as they are, just won't cut it anymore.

What I'm saying, fellow English majors and analysts of the world, is that our dear Professors have ruined one party, and started a new one. A one in which we enter the "real world" as we so fearfully call it, with a heightened awareness, a keen eye for detail and a sharpened ability to critique and create.

And now we are ready to use these skills we hardly noticed we gained. We may not be headed to the Fortune 500's of the world, but we have instead attained a treasure more fortunate than any; and that is a lifelong pursuit of independent thought.

 Most of us will go in different directions from this moment in time. Some will pursue a degree in law or education, others will seek to be journalists, writers, actors, humanitarians, politicians, plumbers, professional bassoonists for all I know. This major's job was not to filter you in to a company and get you paid for your services in exchange, it was to teach you exactly how to filter yourself and your strengths into the world.

I personally am as unemployed as can be for next year (hold your applause.) My path to self discovery could have me teaching English abroad or simply working on my personal blog until I get discovered.. which will so happen right? Yes, I'm unsure of my direction as so many are, but I can tell you one thing, I'm not scared, and that's because at the very least I can analyze the crap out of the Great Gatsby.

Congratulations to all of us, and may we continue in our paths with pride in what makes us different and a deep appreciation for those mind molders we have called our teachers. Thank you.