I am jealous of my Christian friends.
For one thing, they get Christmas. Which I think we can all
agree is a little unfair. Judaism has given me so much, even a free trip to
Israel. But I'll never wake up to the smell of pine and the promise of bangin'
neatly wrapped gifts as seen on Nickelodeon commercials.. and a part of me
mourns that loss..
I could live with the Christmas envy though. Love Actually and its relevance to my
life is not even a minor source of the raging green monster inside. It's the
ease with which one gets to associate themselves in relation to their beliefs.
Christian people get to be just Christian in America. There
are shades of extremeism as with any religion, and fights over interpretations
of texts and their political connotations, as with any religion. But my dear
Christian friends have no notion of the pressures behind being a Jewish
American, or the fact that, to one another, we Jews are viewed to only be
as "Jewish" as our stance on a highly controversial country's politics. For us,
the choice not to stand with Israel, and firmly, gets perceived as a choice to
stand against Israel... And to thus declare oneself to their beloved community,
as a "self-hating Jew."
Put aside the fact that many of us grew up in Hebrew school,
singing songs about and learning about every Israeli crevice. Or the fact that
Birthright showed us the most beautiful landscape, the richest historical
background, and some truly incredible people to tie us to this land. Or even
the idea that our parents and peers constantly post pro-Israel statement articles
and videos, almost aimed at one another in a "who loves Israel more"
like contest. Even without all of that, we Jews have an obligation to the
country as a source of historical safety and pride. And we love the damn place
and all the falafel, hookah, and soldiers who hooked up with us on our
Birthright trip, that Israel contains.
But then you see videos of children on all sides of the
Israeli issue, dead. And you want to mourn for loss of life, because each of
those lives is precious. And you wish it was so simple as to stand behind your
country and believe that all of their actions are in line with your values, or
even their purported values, but it isn't. You hear fireworks overhead, and
thank your lucky stars that you never have to wonder if it's a rocket, and you
worry for Israeli friends, but you worry for civilian strangers on the other
side too. And you wish you 100% believed every word of every impassioned
article, but you don't.
Personally, I am too tied to the whole affair to have any
say whatsoever. Whether I talk about these issues with my most staunchly
pro-Israel, or anti-Israel friends, my stomach tightens, my face heats up, and
I freeze. I've read countless articles and learned so much, and all that
learning has led me to one truth; there is no way to learn a full truth. I love
Israel with my heart, try to understand it all with my head, and shut up about
it to everyone else.
I would never in a million years want to lose the rich
cultural life Judasim has introduced me to, or the doors it has opened up, be
it friendships, food, or worldly perspectives. But my religion has got some
serious baggage. So dearest Christian friends, consider yourselves lucky in a
"religious-conflict-ignorance is bliss" sorta way. And share your nerf guns with me, because my
parents never took Hannukah that seriously and I was deprived of these awesome
Nickelodeon inspired gifts.
